Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
