why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
