If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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