ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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