Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Randomize
