i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
