i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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