I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
