When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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