Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
