i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
