i just had sex bonerless
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
