i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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