You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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