i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize