After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
