I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
