rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
