Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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