butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i think my cat just said my name.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
