Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
