So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
