The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
