I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
