i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
