The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize