I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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