you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
