Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
