am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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