Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize