I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
