how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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