I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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