We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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