I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
