did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
