i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you would pick up someone in the library
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
