3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Please don't give away my fajitas
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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