Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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