Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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