So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
