I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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