I wish I could punch you in the face.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
