I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we made out on top of his cat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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