Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
