just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
