turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
