Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
