i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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