Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
