she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
