apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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