At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
