Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
