We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
