hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
