i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
