she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
