I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
