Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
