well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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