I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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