I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
