It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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