My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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