Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
