My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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