Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
