My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
