oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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