You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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